I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
