Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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