i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize