I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
