Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
