hotel room ftw
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
