My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize