I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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