I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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