I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
