i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
porn star boner night. come get it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize