i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
