I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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