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ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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