All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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