strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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