Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
