Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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