Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
