Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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