she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
