I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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