In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
farters have to be the big spoon...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize