Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
