I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
