Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
