I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
