Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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