Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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