Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
