Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
