those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
