he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize