Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
