i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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