we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
