First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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