i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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