with your own penis?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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