He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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