I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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