Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
