I will die if light touches me.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
