That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
sarcasm needs its own font
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
