The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
