Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
