If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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