I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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