Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
