What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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