East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
