Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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