I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
