i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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