I wanna bring you to show and tell
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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