Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
