Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You ruined the universe
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
