Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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