They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
