Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
