I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
