I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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