i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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