It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Randomize
