Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
