I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
