Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
