I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
