My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
