She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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