dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
