where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
