Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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