i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
