he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
